Ass-ess-see

From a party I attended last week:

My friend Dinesh: Did you know the Indian education minister wants to do away with 10th standard exams? Is India going to the dogs or what?

Dude 1: I think it's a good idea, I always hated those exams.

Dude 2: They are ruining our education system! Soon there will be no difference between the US and India. If the goal is easy to achieve then the effort is less intense; we will all be repenting, just mark my words. What happens to IIMs and IIT standards, eh?

Dude 1: India is not all IIM and IIT. Lots of children are breaking rocks instead of passing 10th.

Dinesh: So you would rather have kids who break rocks and don't know how to spell their names? What do you want, a lottery system to get into college?

Dude 2: Besides, a lot of the schools now have mid-day meal schemes and such. It will take time. So just because some kids find it tough doesn't mean that you do away with the test.

Dude 3: See guys, it's very simple. Let's say you have two kids A and B. A is from school X and B is from school Y. Let's say they are both applying to school Z. Let's also say that one school has really high standards, and the other is average.

Dude 1: Which one, the first one or the second one?

Dude 3: Very funny. My point is that Z had no way to evaluate A vs B without a common exam.

Dude 2: But exam results are not everything even now. Students from better schools are looked on more favorably.

Dude 1: Yeah, also motivation is a factor. If the worst guy from school 1 is better than the best guy from school 2, and he is not able to get in and is therefore demotivated and drops out, well then - he doesn't deserve it anyway.

Dinesh: I have talked to school teachers who have told me that standards have come down when exams were abolished.

Dude 2: I didn't know schools had already abolished exams. I totally hate exams but this definitely sucks. Students should be stripped and beaten up and made to learn then.

[One hour of heated debate later - after much pouring, and imbibing, of liquor]

Dude x: Bhel, why aren't you jumping into this debate?

Me: Because whenever I feel like mangling Jack's lines, I've found too late that it's better to keep my mouth shut.

Dudeni 1: Jack?

Me: Jack Nicholson from "As good as it gets" - NRIs who don't have children and have no intention of going back to India and who have an opinion about an exam that does not impact them, while drinking whiskey, should shampoo my crotch.

Drop a good word?

IM exchange this week:

Seema: Bhel, I just gave your name as a reference for my new job. So they may be calling you. Don't tell them about my drinking habits, lol.

Bhel: okay, so I can tell them about your other habits?

Seema: ?

Bhel: I am sure your prospective employer will be interested in your judgment. Like the time you went to Puerto Rico and bought suntan instead of sunblock? The extra-powerful stuff too, I think it was. I remember you looking rather dusky for several weeks after that.

Seema: Hallo, that was a honest mistake.

Bhel: Right. Or how about the time we went to Atlantic City and you burned your way through $500 on the blackjack table because the tequila was free and the dealer looked hot?

Seema: Yo, just wait until I see you next time. Grr.

Bhel: Or maybe they are interested in your morals. So I could tell them what I heard about your bachelorette party. When you went to that Chippendales club and hung a maala of $1 bills on that guy. And not around his neck either.

Seema: You're dead. I am coming over right now to kick your ass.

Old friends are never good references.


My responses of course were inspired by the following classic clip: